


The Smile of a Sad Soul

by BookwormA113



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Bullied Uzumaki Naruto, Bullying, Child Abuse, Cutting, Depressed Uzumaki Naruto, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, naruto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:22:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwormA113/pseuds/BookwormA113
Summary: He doesn't remember when he began to put on fake smiles, he only knows that it's working. Nobody notices the straining in his eyes and jaw as he tries not to cry. He was Uzumaki Naruto, he was the class clown, he wasn't allowed to cry. So he kept it up. Until somebody finally does notice. But can they save Naruto from himself? Or is he already in too deep?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been feeling sad lately so this is just another way for me to cool off. I'm not depressed, Ao3 just makes me happy. Lol.

A boisterous blonde teenager skipped joyfully down the crowded hallways of the pristine Konoha High School, a bright smile on his face. He was casually dressed in an orange band t-shirt, covered partly by the fading, navy blue, zip-up hoodie he wore over the top it. His worn blue jeans had faded to a cool greyish color and had a small tear in the right knee. They were still too big for his slim figure so he was forced to fold the ends upwards twice every morning so he wouldn’t trip. His white converse had a slight rip where his big toe would be on his left foot. Dirt caked at the soles, and the once nice fabric had been long since frayed. His ear length hair spiked up enough that you could see his entire forehead except for one single strand of hair that always misbehaved and rested in a tight curl.

 

Overall, when people looked at him they would smile and shake their head, he was always so happy, but his family had so little money. He would wear many variations of that outfit every day and has been doing so since the day he turned six years old. His father, Minato Namikaze who he held a strong resemblance to, had died of a sudden heart attack when Naruto was still quite young. His once energetic mom had raised him for three painful years of debt and two jobs until he was nine. But just before he had turned ten, his mom decided that she just couldn’t afford to be a single mom anymore. 

 

That was when Naruto’s already desperately sad life took a dark turn. Almost exactly a month before he would have turned ten, his mom entered Naruto into the foster care system and left, without looking back. As far as everyone else in the world knew, Naruto had been living happily with a new family for three years now. But, unfortunately, Naruto was not so lucky.

 

Shortly after, he was left at his first family home. A family home was a place where foster children who had not yet been accepted into a real household stayed until they found a suitable family. In that home, Naruto discovered how harsh the world could be. He sat for six months after his abrupt abandonment and watched as other children came and went. Some came back a few months or short weeks later. But some, some would never come back. 

 

Adopted.

 

That was something Naruto had been dreaming of since the day he had been placed in the system. In fact, that was every foster child's dream, but unlike Naruto, they usually achieved their dreams... He had made a friend at the home, three months after he had arrived. Gaara. 

 

Gaara was a lonely boy. His parents had physically and verbally abused him when he was younger but had luckily been saved by a neighbor who had suspicions about the family. He had short red hair and blue eyes. He had a naturally pale complexion, and rather unnaturally pale eyebrows, which gave of the allusion that he had none. What was most striking about his appearance was the red birthmark on the corner of his forehead. When Naruto first approached him, the boy gave him the cold shoulder. But after a week of one-sided conversations, the two became close friends. 

 

They stayed the closest they could’ve possibly been for the rest of the year. But it seemed everything good in Naruto’s life left eventually. Because one day Naruto was stopped in the hallway on the way from his bedroom by an ecstatic Gaara. That day he had been informed that a family was going to be picking the red-headed boy up and taking him away the following morning. To say Naruto was shocked was an understatement none the least. 

 

Naruto had hardly been able to get in a goodbye the next morning, as Gaara rushed over to his new ‘family’ not even sparing Naruto a single glance. And then he had left. Things were fine for the first month, Gaara and Naruto exchanged letters, and wrote emails. Unexpectedly, and seemingly out of the blue all of it stopped. No more letters from Gaara and every letter Naruto sent was sent back unopened the following week. Naruto had no idea what had gone wrong until he had overheard the news that Gaara had been adopted. 

 

Naruto learned two things that day.

 

That was the day Naruto realized that life was unfair. And he knew from that moment on that he would never be adopted. Who could love an ugly brat like him? 

 

He also learned to never make friends with anybody in the system again. If life was so unfair, then all people close to him would leave him eventually.

 

For two years Naruto continued to watch people come and go. He had felt so alone in the world, like a  small fish lost in the middle of the deep and dark ocean. On his thirteenth birthday, he realized life might not be as unfair as it seemed. For two days later, he received notice that a family would be coming to pick him up. 

 

He had once believed that he would be adopted by his new so-called family. He had also once believed that was possible for him to be loved. But when that family came and greeted him. He knew. He KNEW. That if he was going to be cared for by anyone it wasn’t going to be this family. 

 

When he came face to face with those fake smiles and came to understand the pretense that surrounded their laughter, he realized that he hated life.But he always kept up the smiles. If his family could be fake, then so could he.

 

At least that’s what he told himself.


	2. False

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto reflects on his everyday conflicts during the school day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update. I know nobody likes excuses but I was in the hospital for a short while. I've been feeling the absence of friends for the past week and it inspired me to update this story. Enjoy!

He was out of breath. He should have known better than to come to school early, every time he did he always managed to get beat up. But running from high school bullies was a trillion times better than being at home in Naruto’s opinion. So he ran, the cool autumn winds rushed past his tan ears as he sprinted from the three people that managed to make his only time away from home a complete hell. He could see his breath coming out in quick puffs in the cool weather, the screams and taunts of his tormentors not far behind. 

 

He could feel the brims of his ocean blue eyes begin to water, but he forced the tears away. He had not cried in years and he was not going to give these pathetic thugs the satisfaction of being the ones who forced the long since pent up emotions to resurface. He kept pushing on, the footsteps of the three teenagers behind him were quickly becoming louder as Naruto’s out of shape body slowed down. 

 

The blonde knew he was going to be caught, but he never gave up hope. He could see his destination in the distance, his first-period class. He knew Professor Iruka would at least attempt to stop them if he could only reach the door. 

 

“Uzumaki!” Kiba screamed from behind him, “Get your ass back over here so we can pound your ugly face into the ground.” 

 

To be honest, the three boys had an unfair advantage. Cross country had strengthened their bones and made Naruto’s day a whole lot shittier. 

 

He reached out his hand, he was at the door, his hand was gripping the cool metal of the door handle. But his hope of escaping was crushed by the muscular hand that swiftly wormed its way up to the collar of Naruto’s shirt and slammed him into the wall of lockers across the hall. 

 

“Did you actually think you were going to get away today?” asked a snobby voice from above. The impact of his head hitting the lockers had somewhat slowed the workings of his brain. His eyesight was groggy, and there was still the slight sound of ringing bells in his sensitive ears. 

 

“Huh, answer me you useless fag!” The hand holding him against the lockers pulled him away from the wall before harshly slamming him even harder against the hard surface. Naruto let out an unconscious whimper no matter how hard he fought to hold it in. 

 

“Hey look it speaks.” laughed Neji Hyuga.

 

“Who knew?” mocked Kiba. Who roughly let go of Naruto’s band t-shirt and caused a hard fall to the ground. 

 

Naruto looked up to see three faces. Kiba Inuzuka, Neji Hyuga, and Shino Aburame sneered at him from above. Kiba and Neji were usually the two people out of the three that caused him the most pain. Naruto wasn’t sure why Shino was a part of the group of bullies, but he had a feeling that it had to do with the strength the introverted boy withheld. 

 

Cause’ boy could he throw a good left hook.

 

Bells still rang in his ears like a salmon swimming up a waterfall. His eyes shone with emotion, pent up for years in the mind of a boy who had once known love but had had it taken away and never had been returned. Naruto stared up at his bullies with a seemingly blank stare that, unknown to the three tormentors that stood above him, hid great emotion. His mask had been hard to keep for all these years, but he had not been broken since the day he placed it on.

 

He could see the mouths moving on the teenagers who stood above him, that was how he knew he was not dreaming. Nobody ever talked to him in his dreams. He stood and watched the movements of the boys above him.

 

They were mocking him no doubt. Most spouting their usual insults; loser, fag, useless, unloved. He had heard variations of the words daily. At home and at school. It wasn’t only these three that hated him. They were just some of the only people that physically hurt him, the rest of his peers merely regarded him with harsh verbal abuse and crude glares. 

 

Naruto had no idea how long he had sat there listening, or rather watching, them make attempts to earn any sort of reaction out of him. But what he did know is that the ringing in his ears had subsided and he could now hear the insults being thrown at him. 

 

“...don’t understand why you’re always so happy idiot. Everyone hates you and you must know it.” teased one of the boys with a laugh.

 

Their words always managed to stab him like a knife, no matter how simple or petty the insults were Naruto gathered truth from the words. He never did understand the common saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will NEVER hurt me.” It was simply not true. He couldn’t count the number of beatings he had earned from the boys on both hands, but he remembered every single taunt anyone had ever spat at him like he was a piece of dirt. Words hurt the worst. So whoever decided that saying made any sense at all…

 

Well, they were full of bullshit.

 

~

 

Long after Kiba, Neji, and Shino had gotten bored with taunting prey that gave no reaction, Naruto sat solemnly with his bruised back leaning against the locker he had been previously left on. He hated putting on the mask of bliss every day. It was so difficult to hide the pain his life brought him whatever way he turned, he sometimes wished that he had been born someone else. Someone who wasn’t hated. That way he could confide in someone he trusted about his problems. 

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Naruto heard the morning bell ring softly in the distance signaling the arrival of the early morning bus riders. He ignored the warning, the school didn’t start a full hour from then, and the boy was still lost in thought.

 

At home, his foster family Ose Goro his foster dad, Yabe Goro his mother, and his foster brother Kyuubi treated him worse than anyone at school could even attempt to do. He would often wear his thin sweatshirts to school even on hot days because he would need to cover up the handprint-shaped bruises on his arms, left by none other than his ‘father’ Ose. 

 

He hated pretending that he had a loving family who’s only worry in the world was his happiness. He walked through the halls wearing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but nobody ever suspected anything. So he kept on faking his obnoxious laugh, he smiled even when all he wanted to do was cry, and he lived. 

 

But all it was, was barely kept up appearances, appearances that placed such a heavy weight on the shoulders of a young boy who was being held together by a mask of false personality.

 

Naruto sat against the wall silently for a few more seconds, “Smile Naruto…” he whispered to nobody. That sound seemed to float through the air like a feather drifting through the gentle spring winds on a restless day.

 

His mask of happiness fell for a moment, and if anyone had been in the hallway that early Friday morning they would have caught the unmistakable sense of false emotion that dripped off of the usually happy boy in waves. But it was only a moment, for a mere second later his face broke into a joyful smile. What nobody else knew, was that he wasn’t actually smiling on the inside.

 

He was crying…

 

...for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update soon I promise. If I can get 20 kudos before my next update I'll give you readers TWO more chapters. 
> 
> *cue gasp*
> 
> update- I've already started the next chapter. Comment some new plot ideas!


	3. Starvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto reflects on his home life, and smiles as he realizes he is fading away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while to update, I thank everyone for the kudos. They inspired me to keep this story going. I'm not happy, so this chapter will be depressing as hell. The next chapter will be up in a week (promised you guys) its already been started so it won't take half a moth like this one. I hope you enjoy.

The average school day passed by slowly and painfully according to most of the students who attended the pristine Konoha High. But Naruto greatly looked forward to the long periods of time school allowed him to spend away from his so-called family. When he was at school he was bullied because of his overall sad and scrappy appearance, and that’s what he liked about it. Not that he liked being bullied, no he hated the non-stop torment. But at least when he was shoved into a locker or elbowed roughly at school he knew why they hated him. 

 

He was a freak.

 

When he was at home and his mom grabbed him by the arm so hard that her fingers left bruises that stood out starkly on his pale skin, or when Kyuubi made some sort of scathing remark about the outfit he had worn many times over the past week, or when his dad would yell at him until he cried, he had no clue why his family could hate him so much.

 

Naruto was rarely allowed to watch the television but whenever he had the chance to do so and go unpunished he had seen what actual families were like. They loved one another, they didn’t hit their children. They never yelled without a reason. Siblings cared for one another. This was only one timeout if the thousands of times Naruto craved for the love and affection of his mother.

 

But she was gone. She had left him too, just like dad left when he died, just like Gaara left when he had been adopted, just like all hope of Naruto ever had of having someone love him.

 

He had once seen a short segment on a news station about a young boy, about Naruto’s age at the time, who had been rescued from his abusive family. The anchor covering the ‘tragic’ story was a blonde woman who looked very sad as she listed examples of the abuse the boy had faced. Naruto remembered how he had sat on the cool leather loveseat in the cozy living room watching the program list things that happened to him every day of his life.

 

He recalled the phone number the news station had flashed on the bright screen of the old television that sat on top of the dusty bookshelf in the far left corner of the room. The lady said that if anyone watching felt they were facing the dangers of abuse, they should call that number right away.

 

Naruto had stared at the screen in the modest home for a full minute, the phone number still flashing, big and red at the bottom of the screen. At that moment in time, Naruto realized he was jealous. Jealous of that little boy who had been saved, of everyone who had that stereotypical loving family, and he hated them. Because they were happy.

 

After what had seemed like years to the adolescent boy, Naruto had made up his mind. He grabbed a blue crayon and a spare scrap of paper and wrote, one number at a time, the phone number. Unfortunately, the boy had no intention of calling that number. If he did he would've been sent back into the foster system. And, while the abuse hurt, he was glad he was no longer forced to sit and watch children come and go, like a ticking time-bomb ready to explode. He sat and watched as people left, and new hopefulls entered. That hurt worse than any of the abuse he faced at home.

 

So on that scrap of paper, 11 numbers and 3 words stood out in bold, messy blue crayon.

 

1-800-962-2873  
DO NOT CALL!!!

 

And unfortunately, he listened. 

 

~

 

“UZUMAKI!” screamed his brother from across the hall. “It's time for breakfast! Get your ass down here or you starve!” 

 

Upstairs in the smallest bedroom in the house, blue, emotionless eyes snapped open and stared at the ceiling hanging above. Some days Naruto wished that the ceiling would collapse and fall in on him, other times he wished he was somewhere above the ceiling. Either way, Naruto yearned to be somewhere that nobody living could ever dream to reach.

 

The small room surrounded him ominously like a predator stalking its prey. The dark walls forcing the room to close in even further into the lonely boy. The fragile form struggled to shimmy his way off of the mattress, bony toes touched the cold wooden floors of the closet-like space. Clothes that hung off his malnutritioned body like a forest of towering trees were quickly discarded in exchange for one of the few outfits he owned. 

 

Faded, cuffed jeans and a hand me down t-shirt he had inherited from Kyuubi stuck to his person. Everytime clothes began to fit him he would lose more weight. At the rate he was going, Naruto would fade away in a couple of months. 

 

And that was just the way he liked it.

 

Somewhere in the distance, he could hear a banshee-like echo screaming his name along with a string of insults and curses. He smiled and looked down at his body. His hips stuck out like nails on a board, his stomach nothing but a slight inward curve and protruding ribs. 

 

Kyuubi was correct. Naruto WOULD starve. He smiled, and for once…

 

...It wasn’t a mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again the story will be updated in less than a week, leave kudos. If I can reach 50 kudos before I update I'll give you guys a choice in some of the plotlines. In the next chapter:
> 
> 1\. Sasuke tells Naruto that he doesn't want to be friends anymore.  
> 2\. Naruto gets yelled at by his only friend (insert name of readers choice here)  
> 3\. Naruto continues to reflect on his home life.
> 
> All three of these will come before his first self-harming scene.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. ...

This is going to come as bad news to some of my readers, but I'm going to be rewriting this story. If anyone wants to read the newer updated version just look on my account and read the story "The Smile of Sadness." The first few chapters are going to be relatively the same, the only things I'm going to change is the length and the new story is going to be more of a slow-burn kind of thing. 

I have a really hectic life and I only write fanfiction for fun and self-entertainment. This story wasn't going in the right direction, and I wasn't enjoying writing this anymore. 

I need a new hobby to take my mind off of my sucky life, and fanfiction writing was my only option. Please accept my apology and read the better version. I don't want to lose all of my readers because I'm a fuck up. 

Sorry again...

**Author's Note:**

> This was pretty short, but I update once a week. (I'll update twice a week if I get ten reviews or more)


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